So I’ve been reading the “Girlfriends Guide to the the First Year of Pregnancy” and they have an entire chapter on weight. I found it to be very insightful and a relief. She said not to force yourself into exercising until around month five (which was great considering it’s been snowing nonstop). She also said that you would loose most of the weight up to the last ten pounds naturally and not to expect to loose what took nine month to gain in such a sort time. So after reading that I felt such relief she did of course talk about nutrition.

Now don’t let me lead you into believing that I have given up sweets completely, I haven’t but I’ve really cut back. I’ve been eating whole grains, and fruit, trying to up my protein and drinking lots of fluids. So you can imagine how I was looking forward to weighing myself and seeing that little needle drop especially since I was sick and hardly ate anything last week. You can also imagine my horror when according the scale I had gained five pounds!! Seriously is that even possible?! I mean how is that possible!!!

After a good cry, well I’ve been crying most of the day, but after crying I came to some conclusions. Either A, this is my dream, my scale is broken and I’ve actually dropped ten pounds. B, I’ve got some medical problem and my body is just putting on tons of weight. C, I can’t even talk about this option, whenever I think about it I cry. Or finally C I’m just a fatty fat fat, which is what I’ve been calling myself in my head all day.

I’m not sure what to do, I know I can drop out the rest of my sugar (I mean try I don’t have the greatest will power, which could explain option C) but even still I don’t think I’m eating that bad. I’ll start exercising as soon as it gets a little warmer and my nose stopps running. But seriously what is going on, it’s hard not to feel completely hopeless, I’m getting dangerously close to that 200 mark and I think I may have to kill myself if I get there.

I talked to my Grammy and that did help, she prayed with me and that helped too, but well I don’t want to end up thirty and so overweight I can never conquer it, and I have to give up bathing suits all together. Any way wish me luck.


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