Birthday · Hunter

Dearest Hunter,

Today you are four.  That means four years ago I was laying in a hospital bed scared to death of becoming a mom.  Your dad was trying not to pass out and your Nannie was driving across the country like a bat out of hell trying to get here in time.

Four years ago I became a mom, I became your mom.  At that instant I knew my life would never be the same.  That I was altered in a way that would change the way I live every moment of my life.  I held you in my arms and I knew I had been given a most incredible gift.

Today you are four, today I realize how bittersweet that gift is.  I try to cherish all the little moments and remember all the funny, sweet, cute things you say but no matter what you just keep on growing.  I look at you and I see both my tiny little baby and the grown man you’ll become.  You’re dad and I will try to raise you right but I know we’ll make mistakes.  Those mistakes will become part of who you are; I’m sorry.  Then one day too soon you’ll be all grown, you’ll leave our home and start one of your own.

Along the way you’ll have joys, and heart aches and all kinds of adventures.  Some of them will include me but the older you get the more of them won’t.  The more I’ll become an observer of your life.  You’ll grow and change but my heart, the one that you already changed, it will still love you, it will still yearn to hold you and sing to you and tickle you.  My heart, the one you changed, will want to jump in and fix all your problems, even though I won’t let it, it will break when yours breaks and it will rejoice when yours rejoices.

I don’t know if it will feel this sad on your birthday every year, I have a feeling it will, even so I am so glad that you’re my son, that I’m your mom.  I would never change it.  I love you Hunter, I always

Happy Birthday! What can I give you that equals what you already gave me?


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