Today my husband asked if I’d write a skit for the Maundy Thursday service at church. He’s the family minister, and the thing about family/ associates/ youth pastors is that they get the weird church services. The one right After Christmas, (the one no one comes to because they and the lead pastors are all out of town), the ones that are sort of different like mother’s and father’s day (which we love FYI I’m not complaining just giving you some perspective) The wednesday before Thanksgiving… So my husband gets to be in charge of the Thursday service, which celebrates the last supper and the institution of communion. My husband is fantastic and works so hard and loves his job, and he wants to be creative, so he asked if I’d write a sketch for the service.
My first reaction was “YES!” I love this kind of thing. I love love love cheesy church skits and dramas (I am a product of the 1990’s and Carman after all). But then I felt scared and I wanted to say “no”. A while back a friend and I wrote something for the church we were then working at. It was for the children’s Christmas play and I thought it was fun and sweet. Not too long and not too hard for a group of kids to learn in a short amount of time. It wasn’t received well… It definitely wasn’t Tony Award caliber but the criticism really stung, like a lot, like I cried. And I did the thing you should never do I said, “Well, I’m NEVER doing that again.”
Today I read a blog post from a friend about fears and facing them (she had a fear of dogs) then I read another post by another friend about not trying and what giving up looks like and I understand what they’re saying. I get it, that people won’t always like what you do, you won’t always be successful. I understand that you have to keep trying and going, but it is very hard when you feel you’ve been injured by people that love you. It’s scary, I don’t want to put something out there that will make Brian look bad.
However, there’s something out there that I’m even more afraid of and that’s stopping writing. I would never make a conscious decision to quit and never pick up my pen again. The fear is that these little things will slowly keep me from pursuing my dream and that one day years down the road I’ll realize that while I call myself a “writer”, I haven’t actually written anything because other people’s biting and hurtful words cut too deep.
Pursuing your dreams means being vulnerable and you can’t say “you’ll never do that again.” because that might be the thing that gets you where you need to go. I’m going to write this last supper sketch for Maundy Thursday and it might fall flat, it might miss on all the jokes, the message might get lost… But, I’m going to write it anyway.