The little girl I’ve been watching since her babyhood (well she’s not so little now, it’s shocking really how old they all are) recently became scared of… I’m not sure what, something she saw when she was pretending to be asleep while at her grandparents house (those crime shows will get you every time). Last night she slept terrible, (so did her parents) because she just kept thinking about the scary world. Then she came to my house tired, and the boys are gone so there’s no one around keeping her occupied. It was a very mopey day. At first I wasn’t sure of what was going on, and I’ll be honest my patience for moping is very low. “What is wrong with you?” I asked rather flummoxed. So she told me through tears, how papa had been watching a show about kidnapping while she was pretending to be asleep. We prayed, and I told her how the first time I ever babysat I stayed up and watched an unsolved mysteries about aliens… I am still terrified of aliens. I told her that she didn’t need to worry, nothing was going to happen. But she was already working on not enough sleep and a little too much boredom around my house so it didn’t really help much.
Made me think of myself. I like to say I’m a “recovering worrier.” because while I’ve gotten better at trust and letting things go, the danger is always there. My ability to spiral from “Your son is now in second grade” to “Oh my gosh he’s going to drive soon and what IF!!!!” is pretty mind blowing.
I’m currently going through a season of “what if’s” right now, and it’s hard and it sucks and there’s been a lot of sleepless nights and ragged tears. BUT, my God is right beside me, and I know that he’s asking me in an exasperated tone “why don’t you trust me? Why don’t you trust that I will keep you safe? That I have only good things in store for you?” I don’t have a good answer. Through my years on this planet He’s proven to be more then faithful. And it does help, those years to look back on, the experiences I have of God protecting and providing for me and my family changes how I face today and the future. If I let it.
Like my young charge I have a choice to trust God and grasp peace or to let my mind spiral into the unknown until I’m nothing more then a lump on the couch watching “Ella the Enchanted” (that’s where I finally put her. If good sense can’t help talk a seven year old off a ledge maybe a princess that overcomes her own limitations can).
If it’s a choice then I choose peace, and trust, because what has worrying ever done for me? I choose trust.