Balance · books · Brenda Yoder

When Being a Mom Feels like a Truckload of Guilt…

Have you ever read a self-help type book about marriage or parenting and come away feeling even more guilty and failure riddled then when you began? I know I have and it’s so discouraging. You already feel like you’re barely treading water and then you read a book that piles on a bunch more “things” you should be striving for.

I recently read a book that is NOT like that at all. I wish this book “Balance, Busyness and Not Doing It all” had been around nine years ago when I was taking my first insecure steps into motherhood. Or thirteen years ago when I first embarked on marriage and minister-wifering (new word you can totally use if you want). I think it would have saved me a lot of heart ache, a lot of insecurities, and a lot of that ugly old comparison game.

Rarely do I feel like a Super Woman, but I am beginning to believe that I am enough.

This was the kind of book where I kept thinking “Yes, I know what she means” and “I know how that feels” and “That makes sooooo much sense!” This book told me in no uncertain terms that God made me unique because He knew what my family would need. That I am the right mom for my boys. It gave me permission to stop striving to be like every other family and boldly embrace the uniqueness of ours. To decide what works and what doesn’t and be okay with it. Here’s something crazy that happened after I was given permission to do what works best for us, I stopped being so judgmental about other moms and their different families.

I feel like instead of comparing and silently judging now we can truly embark on sharing and growing together. And maybe the most important truth to understand. Being a mother is something you do not who you are. You are a daughter of God, and that truth will keep you from equating your self-worth with how well your children perform. What a beautiful revelation.

Here are a few quotes that resonated with me:

“Balancing life while raising kids must be intentional, because good things steal your energy, time and identity.”

“Being a mom doesn’t make you arrive in life. Just being a woman is enough.”

“‘Keeping up with the Joneses’ robs your family of an authentic environment where kids learn acceptance, trust, and family identity. Creating a family culture according to your uniqueness builds an environment of freedom, security, and love. Everyone feels safe and can be themselves, including you. Release yourself to build a family culture around your strengths, and the strengths of your family.”

If your are a woman I really encourage you to read this book. In fact I loved it so much that I am going to give one away. All you need to do is leave a comment, telling us your favorite thing about being a woman, or what you struggle with. I’ll choose one at random Wednesday the 16th.

You can click HERE to see more and to purchase your own copy or HERE to go to the books website.


12 thoughts on “When Being a Mom Feels like a Truckload of Guilt…

  1. Where was this book 40 years ago? That’s when I needed it! I will recommend it to my daughters-in-law or maybe just mention it….don’t want to be that meddling mother-in-law!

  2. My favorite thing about being a woman is sharing my life with other women. Men don’t communicate the same way and the closeness we can share and understanding is so special.

  3. Thanks for sharing the book and your thoughts! It is so important not to compare ourselves and our children with others, so that we can look to the Lord for who he intends us to be. Regarding being a woman and a mom: it is a balancing act to know how much and when to support my family and how much to pursue my own interests. For example, instead of going to every one of my child’s sporting events, I use some of that time to do other things that I feel God has called me to do (like writing).

  4. Being a single mom is tough and it’s hard to find where you fit sometimes. What I love about where I am as a divorced single mom are the women in my life who encourage me as I encourage them. I just received flower from my friend in the same boat and then went to dinner with her as we encouraged each other that we ARE great women, strong women, and that we ARE raising our kids right! I love being able to encourage women whether they’re in my same boat or in a completely different life situation and just need to be told they’re awesome 🙂

  5. What I love about being a woman is that I can be the mommy! A and I have that special mommy/baby bond! A struggle though is because I work all the time I can’t keep up with the housework and spend time with A when I’m home and it makes me feel guilty… Thanks for sharing this! Made me feel a little better!!

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