I messed up at work today. At the very end of the day, on the last sale. In fact I was closing up shop when the customer called to tell me I had charged her for 1/2 a yard of fabric instead of 1/4 yard. I had already put all her bolts away and I didn’t know how to fix the problem. I called my boss, she didn’t know how to fix it either, she’d never had that happen. Of course she hadn’t.
My boss is super understanding, and the customer was so kind and patient. But I was angry at myself. I’m the youngest employee and I’m the silliest. I don’t know if my coworkers realize it, (I realize this is more about my perceptions then theirs) but while they sit around talking about quilting and bindings and backings I’m thinking, “I made my headband and this star trek bag.” It usually doesn’t matter, unless I totally screw up something that should have been simple.
I had to stop over at a friends house after to pick something up, and I kept imagining standing on her doorstep. I’d tell her what happened and she’d give me a hug and tell me it was okay. She would totally know how I was feeling. But she wasn’t home. I’d kept it together pretty good up to that point, but all the way back to my house I could feel it eating at me.
How stupid could you be? Did you actually fix the problem? What was my boss thinking about me?
You’ve probably been there. When you seem to be disconnected from your friends and you keep wondering if you’ve said something stupid. You keep going over your text messages wondering if that one text came across wrong. Or you can’t stop thinking about how loud you were, or how you talked too much at the last get together. It starts to turn your brain into swiss cheese and you just want to hide.
So often we give the people around us grace. We even receive it from the people around us, but we can’t give any to ourselves. We wish we were better, smarter, prettier. We know all the dark and lacking places in our own lives. The devil knows them too, he knows our insecurities and is only to happy to remind us of them.
When you start to spiral, stop. It isn’t worth it, and your perceptions probably aren’t true. Even if their is a seed of truth in them, what your doing isn’t fair to yourself. Give yourself grace because you were made in God’s image, and because He gave you all the grace you’ll ever need.