We closed on our house today. What a blessing, if it had dragged on much longer my stress levels would have surely gone up, and yet I feel surprisingly sad. I don’t feel like celebrating. Instead I feel that one more tie to home is gone.
It’s weird to imagine someone else putting their things in my cupboards, using the shower that I was forever trying to keep mildew from colonizing (may they have better luck then I). Their couches in my living room. Waving to my neighbors. I know, it’s not my house any more, but it was. It was mine for ten years. It’s where I brought my babies home, watched them take their first steps.
Today, I miss my boys (they’re with their grandparents) and Maddie and Jack. Babysitting them in the summers was often loud and always messy (twice the kids). But they would laugh and play and it reminded me of growing up with my cousins. We would all load into the van and listen to Elvis as we headed to the zoo, or the park. We’d play “Starts with.” “Or I’m thinking of something that…” The two younger kids weren’t very good at it yet, but I bet they would be this summer. When Beki would come to pick them up we’d have glasses of iced tea and chat. And I miss chatting.
I went for coffee and a stroll along the water with a lady from church yesterday. It was really nice. When I first met her I felt like she was the type of person I could really be friends with. I’m sure you know that feeling. But that’s the thing, right now it’s a lot of “could be’s” and “will be’s” I KNOW God wanted us to move here. I KNOW He is going to give us a good full life. But that kind of life takes time. I know what I left behind, I don’t yet know what’s ahead of me. And in that space is some excitement but also a lot of homesicknesses, and loneliness.