I’ve come a long way since my childhood when meeting people was absolutely exhausting, and while I’d still consider myself an introvert I am pleasantly surprised that I really do enjoy meeting people.
I find I’m most content right now when I am with people. hearing their stories listening to them talk about their lives. Riding with them and seeing what it is about Seattle they love. But after they’re gone and I’m alone I find myself overcome with all kinds of self-esteem issues. Things I thought I had long ago put behind me are suddenly rearing their ugly middle-school-heads. I’ll lay awake and think, “why did I say that?” “Why did I laugh so loud?” “What must they think of me?” I haven’t felt this insecure about my body and clothes since my twenties.
Here’s the thing, this is absolutely on me, and not on anyone here. Every body has been above and beyond nice to me. But, in Battle Creek I knew who I was, I knew how I fit, and I knew what was expected of me. Someday I’ll know those things here. In some ways I already feel them more then I did two weeks ago, but there’s still that niggling doubt.
I think the key is to know who speaks truth and who speaks lies. Truth will make us better, and build us up in love. Lies will only tear us down, make it harder for us to be the best person, the one God created us to be.
Truth is, when the “Prime Timer” Bible Study group listened eagerly while Brian explained to them how they can help reach out to the children of our church. When they stood behind us and prayed over our family and ministry. Truth is, when we hung out with friends from church and played “Farkle” and I laughed harder then I had in a long time. Truth is, when other transplants drove us all over the city introducing us to amazing ice cream. Or when a family generously opened their house until ours was ready, no questions or restrictions.
The truth is, this is home and it is becoming home. And it’s love that makes it so. The love and grace we have for ourselves and that others have for us.