Going Home · Moving · Uncategorized

Nomad…

We learned this week that the lease on our house won’t be renewed. We’re good tenets but it’s a sellers market and the owner wants to put our home up for sale.

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My heart is kind of broken. I love this little house. It’s felt like such a blessing. Fenced in yard, kitchen with room enough for a table, beautiful gardens I was happy to tend, and neighbors who have become real friends. To say nothing of it’s location to both work and school and the wooded trails Ranger and I walk daily. Everything about this felt like a gift from God.

What happens when that gift is suddenly yanked away? We haven’t even been here a year yet. I feel like I just got unpacked! The kids will probably have to go to a new school again! Nothing about that feels fair.

I’ve felt like such a nomad, moving so many times. And while there’s things about that that are good, friends all over the country and the understanding that home is people, there’s still this place in my heart that yearns for a physical home. A place to build community and put down roots. I thought I had it in Battle Creek, and I did for a while. And I had it here for a minute, but now I find myself tossed to the wind once again. 

Those old voices start whispering to me at night. They ask what the point is of community if your only going to be leaving. They tell me that lifelong neighbors and knowing the graduating seniors because they went to school with your kids since elementary, is for other people. 

Maybe we all understand this feeling of homelessness somewhere deep inside. The pull toward heaven, the feeling that we’re only passing through this life. Maybe not.

Maybe it’s just us transients who look at other people’s yearbook from the 1930s and wish we understood why the book was important enough to keep for seventy years.

I’m not telling your this for your pity, I’ve got enough of that for myself, though I would covet your prayers. And if your a local and have a lead on a rental for us I’d appreciate that as well. No, I’m telling you this because I want this blog to be a real, and honest look at my journey, good and bad. I had thought we were nearly at the close of this leg of it but it seems there are miles yet to go.

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9 thoughts on “Nomad…

  1. “Those old voices start whispering to me at night. They ask what the point is of community if your only going to be leaving. The tell me that lifelong neighbors and knowing the graduating seniors because they went to school with your kids since elementary, is for other people.”
    I totally understand this feeling and these voices. We’ve been in the same ministry and house for 5 years and they still pop up. I started writing more and it was too much. So I’ll just stick with, I can relate and I’ll pray for you!
    I will say though that I have found different goals and dreams for my life beyond “typical American” ones. It’s hard, but God wants so much more for us than what we think. -Which I know you know! Hang in there 🙂

  2. Praying for peace through it all for you guys. God has you in his arms and holds your future as well. Love you so much!

  3. As a pastor’s wife, I can completely relate! We’ve made several moves over the years…each one was hard. I can honestly say I can’t imagine my life without the people we’ve met in each place we’ve lived. Praying for you – hope maybe God will provide an even better house in the same area, but if He doesn’t, I hope you hang in there until you see what He has next for you and your family. Love you, Jessie!

  4. I sorry Jess. My heart is hurting for you. I know you have been so obendient to God in this new home, community, and this part of your journey. It’s hard to understand.

  5. Ugh! Ugh! UGH! This is completely unfair. I’m sorry, Jessie. Wish I could bring over a plate of gluten free cookies to share with you while we gab for hours.

    I’m praying for you. LOVE you.

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