depression/ Anxiety · Uncategorized · Writer · Writing

Time

I can not believe I haven’t written since September. SEPTEMBER?! Honestly I had much better intentions. Every time I write a blog post I feel connected to all the lovely souls back in Michigan, Maryland, The Puget Sound and even a couple over seas. It leaves me believing that I will indeed blog, if not once a week at least once a month…

IMG_8910That’s life, in a way. It just sort of slips through our fingers if we’re not careful.

Also, this is a place where I strive to be real, honest, but also hopeful. I like it when I have an experience to share, one that’s wrapped up in a tidy bow, and sometimes there isn’t one. Or at least I haven’t had the perspective to see it yet. This autumn was a season filled with friends, church and feeling more at home here. Stepping out in some areas and feeling God telling me to wait in others. It’s also been a season of tears, and anxiety. I’ve gone from telling people I’m, “great” to “I have good days and bad days, and the good outweigh the bad.” Not to be dramatic but to be more honest.

I had a friend tell me that when we’re in our twenties we’re all doing life and just getting out there but in our thirties it’s like God is saying, “Okay so that was a lot of fun, but now we have some work to do. Some work on you.” Things I’ve battled since high school are suddenly problems again. Anxiety connected to the church I adore back in Michigan isn’t fading the way I think it should…

Then there’s my book. Oh heavens, my book. Why in all the world is that poor thing not finished? She’s so close, but the closer I get the HARDER it becomes. I want to fast forward to the end, instead I ignore it. The longer I ignore it the more panicked and guilt ridden I become. I’m excited about newer shinier projects, but this one can’t be shelved any longer. I’ve asked a couple of my friends to hold me accountable during November. I have to work on it every week day for an hour. If I don’t I’m going to have to start canceling some of my long standing coffee dates, and that should be motivation enough.

All that to say. Hello blog friends, sorry it’s been so long. I really am going to try and do better, even if what I have to tell you doesn’t have a nice clean message. Even if it’s just to say, that I’m here, that I’m growing and changing and I hope finishing my dang book.

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4 thoughts on “Time

  1. This one makes me a little sad, knowing that you are struggling a little. I always love reading your blog even if there are months between your posts. Always know that you are in our thoughts and prayers here in Battle Creek and we wish you the very best with your life.

  2. Oh Jessie, you are missed probably more than you think. Your positivity, ability to help me understand my girls, yours and Brians way of making our kids feel like family, etc…..I know we didn’t talk as much as I would have liked but often find myself wanting to reach out to you. Even though you are younger than me, your ability to seek and resolve a friends struggles is amazing. Love and miss you all Jessie ❤

    1. Jennifer, that is the nicest encouragement I could ask for! I miss you too, and the girls so much. It’s nice to know our love makes an impact, because I know yours has definitely impacted me!

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