This week I finished my book. When I say finished, I mean, it’s done, I’m not changing another word until someone willing to pay me money for it tells me too. By now you’re probably catching on that writing a book is a multi step process, so “done” is a somewhat relative term.
The kids were surprised that I wasn’t more excited. “Why aren’t you jumping up and down?” Hunter wanted to know. I had to think about that. I definitely didn’t feel as excited as I did when I finished the first draft, or even the second draft. I celebrated those milestones! Maybe it’s perspective? I mean, when I finished the first draft I couldn’t believe I had written an entire story, a novel! And I thought it was pretty good. Then after some time away and feedback from a very helpful beta reader I realized I had a lot of work left. And now, I think I’m hoping it’s kind-of-good, or mostly-good. I’d be pleased if it was the most okayish book ever published.
And of course there’s still the book proposal… I read recently that a lot of people will stop right before they have finished a goal. It has to do with uncertainty about the future, and I kind of get it. This next phase is all stuff I don’t understand. Finding an agent, sending it out to publishers. Then, so much waiting. Right now the book is safe on my computer all my dreams for her intact, but once I send it into the world I run the risk of failure and heartbreak.
It’s crazy, you’d never quit a marathon with only a mile left. And yet I have found myself anxiously filling my time with things other than book proposal.
Then on Friday, I decided that while finishing the Music Between Worlds didn’t feel as thrilling as I had imagined it would, I should still celebrate. So I bought a fancy coffee and spent the afternoon reading a wonderful book, instead of doing the laundry. And suddenly I feel less afraid of the Book Proposal. Like, I am truly ready to hammer it out. And honestly I can worry about the future all I like, but all I can really do is be faithful to finish the step that is right in front of me.